Movie Review: Halloween 2

This is the sequal to the Rob Zombie remake of the original horror classic, Halloween. I know that there are a lot of people who think Zombie has an amazing and original vision in all of his work, but, most of the time I just don't see it. I liked his version of the first movie, but this one, it just had little to no story. It was basically just two hours of gratuitous violence, half of which served no purpose to "the story." It honestly felt like I was watching one of those Faces of Death movies. I have nothing against a "slasher movie," nothing at all, but you have to give me something other than blood and guts. Two hours of slaying is just too much when there isn't an enticing story to go along with it.

The little story that the movie did have made absolutely no sense at all. I was trying really hard to follow it, no offense, but, I shouldn't have to try so hard to follow the storyline of a "slasher movie."

The acting was average(at best). Special effects were decent enough. The killings looked pretty gruesome, which is a good thing considering the type of movie it is.

Last thing I will mention is how annoyed I am at how often and blatantly we see Michael Myers's(Tyler Mane) face. In the original films we never see him without the mask on, which gave those movies more mystery and higher fear factors because you didn't know what was behind the mask. It also drove the audience to want to know, which heightens our intrigue. Zombie lost this, and it was a shame.

Rating: 2 Stars

Spartacus: Blood and Sand Ep1 Review

This one is going to be short and sweet. I liked the show, I thought it could be better, but it was entertaining enough. I was really expecting a show similar to HBO's Rome, which it really is not. If I had to compare it, I would say it is a mix between Gladiator and 300. It has a very similar storyline to Gladiator and the special effects are the same type used in movies like 300 and Sin City. Almost the entire show is shot in front of a blue screen, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but again, I was expecting a show like Rome with huge gorgeous sets. So to me, all the SE kind of took away from the show. I will still watch the coming episodes because I did enjoy the story of it and I am a fan of shows and movies of that era. Check it out if you like those kinds of shows. Lastly, Lucy Lawless (Xena) is in the cast as well as John Hannah (The Mummy). This was a surprise to me because I really wasn't expecting to see anyone I recognized.


Rating: 3 1/2

Movie Review: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

It's not Pixar, it's not Dreamworks, it's Sony Pictures Animation. To be honest, I just always assumed all animated movies were either Pixar or Dreamworks...who knew? This isn't even Sony's first endeavor into animation (Open Season, Surf's Up, Monster House). It is, however, their best. Surf's Up was good, but I liked this one a little bit more. It had a decent story, not very believable, but who cares about believable stories in a cartoon movie? More importantly this movie actually gave me some laughs. The characters were enjoyable and there was even a talking monkey! Having a talking monkey is always a good idea.

Mr. T had a pretty big part, playing the police officer of the town, he was funny, and it was good to see him working in something other than a Worlds of Warcraft commercial. Other voices included Bill Hader(Adventureland, Forgetting Sarah Marshall), Anna Faris(Scary Movie, Just Friends), Bruce Campbell(Evil Dead, Burn Notice), and Neil Patrick Harris(you know who he is!).

So check it. It's a cute movie, good for the whole family, and don't forget...talking monkey! (voiced by Harris)

PS - This is the company that will be bringing us the upcoming movie, The Smurfs(2011).

Rating: 3 Stars

Movie Review: Extract

Mike Judge, the creator of Beavis and Butthead, Office Space, and King of the Hill, wrote and directed this film, Extract, about Joel (Jason Bateman), the owner of extract (as in vanilla) company. Basically, Joel is a middle aged man who's wife stopped putting out, his company is doing decent but is stressful, and he is being sued by an employee who got his testicles blown off while on the job (not as funny as it should have been). Joel's best friend (Ben Affleck) talks him into doing drugs which causes him to make a few bad decisions, leading his wife to cheat on him, and his business to go south.

Mila Kunis plays a con artist grifter. She is the one who talks the "testicularlly challenged" employee to sue the company, pretending to like him in hopes of stealing the money from his settlement. Eventually she gets caught and she feels bad, blah blah blah. Her role really was just pointless (as was most other characters)

All in all the movie was boring and seemed way longer than it should have been. I am a fan of Mike Judge, but this movie was no Office Space. The only bright spot in the movie was moronic gigolo played by Dustin Milligan, he was kinda funny. I think I laughed twice during the movie, both times at his character. I would not recommend seeing this movie, it would be a waste of your time. If you haven't seen Office Space, just watch that instead, hell even if you have seen it, watch it again. Plus Ben Affleck isn't in Office Space which is always a plus.

Rating: 1 star

Movie Review: The Hangover

First let me start by saying that this movie gets a big thumbs DOWN! Everyone and their mother told me how great and hysterical this movie was, yet it was neither. Other than a few one-liners and a momentary used condom bit, the movie was a waste of time.

Personally, I think the movie would have been a lot funnier had they chosen a linear structure. By this I mean, show everything in chronological order instead of everyone waking up and not remembering anything. The hi-jinx that went on throughout the night of the bachelor party would have been much funnier if we watched it all unfold in natural time instead of only seeing things through flashbacks and still photography.

The story was unbelievable, and yes I know it's a movie, but still, way too many things happen to these guys that would be very unlikely, not to mention impossible. But if you feel the need to add such things to your movie, at least explain them better. I mean, how the hell did the guys even end up at Mike Tyson's house? Did they just walk down a random street and happen to choose Tyson's house to break into? And what was up with Phil, (Bradley Cooper) not giving a shit about the baby in the closet? He was the only character with a kid (other than Jade) and cared the least about a baby sitting alone in a closet? Makes no sense.

Last thing I want to touch on is the character of Alan(Zach Galifianakis), the fat (possibly slow) brother-in-law...horrible.

Did anyone else think that Danny Mcbride (Pineapple Express, Tropic Thunder, Eastbound & Down) would have played this role a million times better? Anyway, if you ask me the movie was a stinker and all of you who thought it was hilarious, well, what's wrong with you? I give this movie one star out of five, and that's being nice.

Rating: 2 stars

I HATE Foxwoods!

I hate Foxwoods, although it isn't really Foxwood's fault. I have horrible luck there and have decided that because of this I will boycott that casino until further notice.

$80 buy-in tournament played on Monday...

First, it is quite difficult to find the damn poker room. The place is WAY too big, and the signs are just lacking. Took me nearly 10 min. to get to the poker room from the parking garage. Mind you I was already late for the start of the tournament. Anyway, I missed the first few hands and of course lost a big and small blind. Here is how the rest of my tournament went...

Fold, fold, fold, fold, etc.
Big blind (9 5 off) fold after flop.
Fold, fold, fold, etc.
KcJh - limp in, 3 other callers. flop: Ah 3h 5h. a bet of 200 called only by me. Turn: Ad. Checks from both of us. River: 10h. Other player bet 200, I called. I won the pot (1 of 2 that i won all tournament)

I fold every hand for the next 20 min. then finally get 6s6c and raise 3 times the big blind and get one caller. Flop: 9h 7d Js. my opponent checks and I push all in (I had 1/3 of my chips in with my raise so it was an easy move once he checked it to me.) He folded his hand and I took down the second of 2 hands I would win.

Another 20 min. goes by where all I do is fold. Yes, my hands were really that bad. 34, 97, 92, Q2, J6, all hands you just cant play, especially with a raise in front of you almost every hand.

So I look down and finally see something decent AcQs. A bunch of lay downs and then an all in from the only person at the table who actually had less chips than me (hurray!). Did I mention that this was a bounty tournament? $25 dollars for every knock out!! So anyway, after his all in, I move all in as well to make sure no one else calls as I am sure to have this guy dominated. Everyone else does fold and my opponent turns over Ad4d. I'm not to happy about him being suited, but I love that I am a 4 to 1 favorite...that is until the flop...4h 4c 10s...FUCK! I was in utter disbelief. The turn was another 10 and I am now down to my last 2000 in chips.

I probably folded the next 8 hands or so as my highest card was a 7. Then, under the gun I get a Kc5c, that was good enough for me. I push in my last 1800. I get called by the big blind who already had 1200 in the pot from his blind. He turns over 5h6c. Again, I am in love with this senerio, another dominating position for me...until the flop...2h 3s 4c...the son of a bitch flops a fucking straight! I couldn't believe it happened again. The turn was the 10c giving me a flush draw, but the river came the 9h and that was it for yours truly.

These are the types of things that happen to me at Foxwoods, which should explain my reasons for the boycot. Just bad luck there, crazy bad luck.

Poker: Getting Knocked Out in ONE Hand

So I was just playing a tournament on Full Tilt. As I'm sure you can figure out by this blogs title...I got knocked out on the first hand!

It may be one of the most unlikely thing to happen to you when playing a tournament, but it does, and will happen. Here is how it happened to me today.

I was playing a $10 buy-in tournament on Full Tilt. It was one of their "Mini-Series of Poker" games so there were like 6,000 plus people in the tourney. I started the game off on the button. I was dealt Ac 8c. It's not a great starting hand, but one I usually like to see a flop with, when the price isn't to steep. In this game, everyone started with 3,000 in chips. The blinds were at 10/20. I decided to just limp in and call the blind. 6 people at the table fold and its just me and 2 others. The other two players were in seats 3 and 4. Seat 3 called and seat 4 raised to 80. I called the 80, then seat 3 re-raised to 260. Both me and seat 4 called the 260. On a side note, by re-raising I now know that seat 3 has a top tier hand.

On the flop comes Ah 5c 2c. This is a great flop for me. I have top pair and the nut flush draw. Seat 3 is first to act and bets 600. Seat 4 folds his hand. Now its back on me and here is where i make my huge mistake. Having top pair and a flush draw, puts me in a great position, but not the best that it could be. You have to remember that seat 3 had re-raised pre-flop. He could have easily done that with AK or AQ. So at this point what I should have done was just call the 600 bet, but that is not what I did. I raised it to 1500. In less than a second my opponent pushed all in. At this point I know im up against AK or possibly even AA, either way I'm behind and I have almost 60% of my chips in the pot. Since I have the nut flush draw I knew I had outs still. It was still the first hand and I could have laid the hand down, but with such a big time drawing hand, I just couldn't let it go. I called and put all of my chips at risk. Seat 3's hand was exactly what I thought it to be, Ad Kc. What really hurt was that he had the king of clubs which took away one of my outs. Needless to say, the turn came 7s, and the river 10d. I missed my flush, didn't make two pair, and I was booted from the match just as soon as I started.

What I should have done was just call the 600 bet on the flop. This would have allowed me to see the turn card cheaply. When the turn did not make my hand for me it would have made laying the hand down much easier. A drawing hand with only one card to go is much less attractive than with two. That isn't what happened and it ended up costing me the tournament in just one hand. Learn from my mistakes people. Don't over play your drawing hands. Top pair with the nut flush draw is a great hand to have, but play it smart and try not to put in too much of your stack, unless you hit your hand of course. In that case you have my permission to go nuts.